Per Aspera Ad Astra

This is the last thing i write here.
About an year ago i've started this LJ, it was just to do it but in the end things turn out very different from what i was expecting, things changed, sometimes fast, sometimes not, i've wrote many different things, i've wrote about many different things and it was satisfying in a strange way.
Well, all ends here, Tabula rasa.
This place in the net was mine, now it's not mine anymore, i've changed from what i was so things needs a different perspective, this is the past, something it would never ever forget, something i have accepted, some that taught me a lot about life and about the human beings.
Good or bad, it was an experience, now it's about time to pack up all the things learnt and proceed to something new, the future.
So, goodbye reader, until we meet again.
Yours.

P.

Hi there!
Luckily i can save enough time to write here this end of the month, the company for wich we work postponed the terms of the target we got so i don't have to make extra job, aaaaah! relaxing...
So what did i spent my time for these days, well i'm back to some sports and that only would have made me feel better but beside of that i'm currently watching a TV serie i've discovered by chance; The Dresden Files.
It's interesting even if it's not a masterwork but i'm glad that someone had brought a little bit of magic, some english touch all with some somt of "tone of gray" to add the flavour, yes it reminds me the World of Darkness (only with a bit more sugar) but well, have i ever told you how much i love Mage: The Ascension (or Mage: The Awakening also)?
I must say a lot!
I really like the actor chosen for the Dresden Character, he got a surprisingly mischievous face and he's really good, but i like more Bob, in the books he was only a voice in a skull but i'm definitely amazed by his TV counterpart!!! :D
Well if you haven't guessed yet Dresden Files tells about some sort of "Mundane Magician" who sometimes helps the police to solve some unusual cases, Dres is a real mage and the background of the serie is plentiful rich, with all the other things you could expect from a supernatural serie, i especially like the Christian and Pagan elements in it, cool!
Well now you must have guessed how much i like this serie i s'pose! :D
From the Ps2 front i got no exciting news, i'm still stuck with Digital Devil Saga and i must admit that i haven't played a lot lately, you know how things goes in summer, you go out, join some party, meet new face and so on...i'm busy these times and beside time seems to flow incredibly fast. O_o
No worry that's life...
...and its magic.
Abracadabra

Some changes come unexpected, one day you wake up realizing that something inside yourself is slowly changing, as always it's not a matter of good or bad, it's just something that happened, it's life.
I've realized that i despise women.
Oh yes, i know the reasons for this, some wounds are too deep to be simply erase, some things cannot be forgiven and often the actions of an individual compromise a whole category leading to some sort of disgust.
Simply i cannot stand the lies and the manipulation and it's really boring to see that are like a constant in the women behaviour, don't misunderstand i'm NOT saying i'm better but at least i speak clearly without half-truths or petty games well, my trust in the female universe has long gone and i'm not the kind of guy that just need a girl for a physical urge, i never was.
The worst thing is that it seems there are really few exception, almost all act in the same way, constants i suppose but well sometimes i prefer to be more stupid than i am just to take things more easily.
Time will heal, i'm definitely starting to doubt about it, i need proofs...

Hi there, it's been long time since i last wrote here but well, with a hole in your motherboard i suppose it's difficult to log on the net.
Yes, sadly my motherboard burned to a crisp because of a lighting, it was really irritating especially when you got a theorically shielded machine but things happens even if we don't want so i'm out of the web for a while and i must admit it's not that bad.
In fact it's a good things, i'm getting more used to real life and to my friends too.
Lately i go out a lot and i'm satisfied by this, i meet new people, go in new places, find new things to do, satisfying as i said and beside it help me to get out from the past and look into the future.
I entertain myself a lot, it's funny to realize what freedom means and not be stucked to old situations, situations that gave me absoluty nothing and futhermore wasted my time and my resources.
I'm living my life.

I'm an egoist, i know that and i accept it as a part of myslef, after all we all are.
But still i am amazed by the selfishness of some people, who declare theirselves somehow "mature" and still act as children, unable to state ttheir own opinion in a rational matter they prefer simply to stand in silence, believing theirselves too high for the rest of the world.
I know about human egoism, still i can't help, i am disgusted by that kind of person, so weak that they have to use other weakness to impose theirselves, to create their own little perfect world, not caring about the others feelings.
I simpy cannot stand that thanks.
Still it somehow hurts to know that these kind of people are the ones that suffer the most, unkwon to them, sooner or later reality will catch'em and devour their little selfish creation, all will shatter and there will be absolutely nothing for them to do.
This is called life i believe.
I never wanted to hate anyone, but still some people do all they can to be hated, and the fact that they didn't even realize what they do could not be forgiven forever.
One time ok, it's an isolated episode.
Two it's coincidence.
Three, well, you can go fuck yourself in any matter you like, i'm not a toy to be used to fulfill your selfishness, i'm a human being.
I know, it's a sort of black or white concept but still you cannot always stand the same behaviours, the same lies, and the same situation forever just because you love someone, love (or friendship) it's not a matter of patience, it's a matter of compromise and respect.
I got less or little patience lately, i've paid my price, accepted my selfishness, state myself as a human being, as i previously said full of merits and flaws.
I do not expect less from others, sorry, my patience is long gone now.
Black and white maybe, but more balanced than before.
At least now i know what and who i am, made my choice and paid my price.
I'm not willing to pay the price for the others selfishness, that's a problem of them, something they must solve.
Compromise.

Well, some good news from here.
Today my sister come back from equador, she was there for an humanitarian mission for two years or so, i got to admit that i feel happy bacause of this.
I've passed these last two days allright, well job apart (we're still busy! :| ), and i've spent the last two nights playing Lineage II with one of my friends i've missed a lot the taste of a good mmorpg and there were some little funny scenes! :D
Oh yes, i'm also developing another fantasy setting, this time for the true20 system i've took some inspiration from the greek mythology plus a couple of other things, hope i could find the time to write it!
My playthrough of Digital Devil Saga came to an halt, mainly because i do not like to level up, but the great B. awaits me and someone told me i got to bring plenty of lube so i suppose i got to train my mantras well.
Still i prefer SMT: Nocturne, both for the story and the system.
And beside, how could someone name a spell Materazi? it reminds me the soccer player, LOl! ^^''
I've also tried Magna Charta, not a bad game at all although it was not fully developed...-_-
By the way if someone wants to join us on Lineage II here's the Server we're on, look for Reshaim and Steelheart, the more the merrier! :)
Last but not least, someone might have noticed that i've changed my nickname to Reshaim, why?
A lot of things changed lately, especially in the last six months, i've learnt about the human selfishness, and about my own selfishness too, i've changed and i'm still changing i suppose.
I do not know if that's good or bad, simply i didn't care about good or bad anymore, but i'm now drawing a line between people i can trust and people i cannot trust, two down up 'til now.
I've changed the nickname because "Shooting Star" doesn't fit me anymore, that was another person, an unaware and stupid person, some now dead, that was the past, the future is what i'm building right now.
I'm just choosing the right materials, discarting the flawed ones and paying my price.
Also it's incredible how much i retrieve myself in the last 30 Seconds to Mars album. :|

It ended, as i previously said i cannot stand some situations, i cannot allow to be used again and i got more self-respect than in the past to accept some behaviours.
As i said i was forced to cut, nothing else can be done, no patch can be further added to this, it hurts but it will pass, i will forget if not forgive.
You called for it.
Aged quod agis, something you got to remember, you cannot fool people forever.
And you cannot fool yourself either.
Good luck, you will need it.

Well i suppose it happens sometimes, you got to face a truth for what it is, and decide.
I simply cannot stand some behaviours, cannot accept the fact that people always act in the same way, do the same mistakes and especially try to fool others people because they're too filled of theirselves to ammit they can do wrong.
Honestly i've already paid too much, time to check out the bill.
I just want people to think about what they're doing, i'm not asking too much, only respect for my time and my patience, as i said i would not allow further disturbance to my quiet so THINK or else i will be forced to react according to your behaviour and cut.
I've warned you, please listen for once.
And just to know, i'm not angered, sad or something, just annoyed and a little tired, after all you cannot always see the same thing and not feel like this.

Ah, the good taste of life, it never cease to amaze in these troubled times.
Again, as always, what's happened?
First, it's good to got a fix job i always got more things to do that what i was suppose to do but as i previously said it's so fucking OK, i must say i'm getting much more relaxed, i got a monthly pay at least!
Second, i've met a very interesting girl, she got a lot of good sense and humor plus she's totally addicted to music, as i said interesting, a new friend i suppose, good.
Third, i'm shaking off some skeletons in the closet, i'm tired of thinking about the past and give more attenction to the people than what they deserve, talking about the problems is useless unless you want to act to solve them.
I'm getting a more relaxed and less self destructive view of the world, more practical also, it's a good period, i only want to fully taste it.
Oh yes, i'm also state my own opinion at last, my little conquest.

Really, people make me laugh way too much...

Well, long time no see uh!?
So i wonder if someone out there was thinking about what's happened, not much i fear, lately i was busy installing Kubuntu Linux on my PC, and up 'til now i am really satisfied by this OS, not much as i said.
Lately i'm goin' out with my friend a lot, and i had some funny and relaxing moments, not to say another issue i'm in the process of resolving in a strange way perhaps but i think i'm handling it well, no regrets.
I'm waiting for the 14 of july when i can finally see the 30 seconds to Mars in a live exibition at Milan, i've already bought the tickets, really thay rocks!
On the job field i've managed to reach some sort of agreement with my friend/boss, i think it satisfied the both of us and until now it kept me REALLY busy, LOL, i'm doing much more things i was supposed to do but also this is OK.
It's satisfying to understand how easily things can go well when you know what you want, still i'm hungry for life, bon appetit!
Last but not least i'm thinking about getting a tatoo, in fact i've been thinking about it for seven years, i just got to decide the pictures.
Again, Per Aspera ad Astra!

By this song.
Dear, i owe you one...

Well as you could have noticed i've again changed both the name and the layout for this torned piece of virtual paper, just to better reflect my current mood.
Just to say it.

I'm fearfuly drunken...nice!
(really, you don't wanna know how many times it took me to write this X_:X)

The glade was well hidden, one of the few places in a ravaged world still unaffected by the war that shattered the creation, a place to rest for the survivors of the previos society where the Fair Folk prepared a shelter for them, King Oberon and Queen Titania personally took care of it and did their vassals.
After a long and weary travel the warrior reached that place, his face bearing the signs of too many useless battles, his eyes still filled by the horrors he had seen, now that eyes could shut for a while and his dreams would not be affected by the accursed memories he still tortured his mind.
"So, tell me" he said to a gentle fairy who was asked to take care of him "how many of us survived to the Dæmons?".
The fair creature looked at him with a worried face then, almost whispering, she replied "not many i fear, the Devil race has done a good job in gettin' rid of your companions or in changing them into...some other sort of creature. Here we do not speak to much about it but we know that slowly evil is taking control of our home"
The warrior closed his eyes, his face showing a tired look.
"Still i cannot stop to fight" he said "i simply cannot although i curse myself for this tupid determination, even if it's useless i got nothing else to do than to believe that something can be done."
The fairy nodded with a sad smile upon her face, she understood, even her people was doing the best to slow the coming darkness, even if they all knew it was useless.
Still they retain hope.

Really, is funny how life never cease to amaze me, tonight i went out with some old pals we went to a mexican restaurant (and we've spent a lot XD) then we joined some other friends at a pub.
Previously i've tought that i got no right to call my old friends when i've spent the last four years away from them, i believed to be in wrong somehow, well i was totally wrong.
People never change anyway, we talked, laughed and i'm feeling a little relaxed, i've felt at home.
Plus i got a little surprise, there was a girl that i've seen just few times long time ago, we never talked to much but suddenly she asked me why i have changed my look so much and we talked for a while about how our lives has gone in the last period, that was unexpected and beside i must admit that was also satisfying (in a intellectual manner i mean).
Honestly the whole evening was a pleasure compared to the problems of the last days, a little change of view, a little thing to be happy.

A lot of thing happened lately, a lot of nasty thing and my perspective changed a lot too.
Simply i got enough of people, i got enough of their lies and their false behavior so it's time for a cut.
I got no time for people who say a thing and that do another, i don't have so much time to spent and sincerely i got more pressing matters than to worry about them. My patience and my trust can only be stretched to a certain extent, if you say a thing then you act according to it, both for the work and for the personal matter, no compromises, just coherence i don't ask much i think.
And i cannot allow the behaviour of the others, and their lies, to ruin the little stability i got no more.
As i said i got no more patience and i must take care of my health first thanks.
I'm tired to be fooled.

"Don't kill me please? honestly i was expecting something more for one like you. But i suppose it was useless anyway, after all you're just a coward am i right?" the person spoke while a cruel smile painted his face, the rest of it was covered by a dark hood while the guy stood in front of another figure that lied on the ground scared.
He raised an hand in a futile effort to prevent the next blow but that was useless as an invisible force pulled him back, for another time he rolled in the dirt, coughin.
"Mercy please, i didn't knew what i was doing" said with a desperate voice.
The other guy walked by his side, his tattered cloak slowly moving through the air, he moved slowly and yet with a merciless determination as his hand rose again clouded in a sort of red mist.
"mercy..." he said "strange feeling, a luxury i suppose, at least for the likes of you"
He then knelt down, looking his victim in the eyes.
"But i am sure that you really didn't knew what you did to me, i'm sure no one told you about the pain you've brought me but still your sin remain and you must now pay for it"
The other looked away frantically, searching for a way to escape the approaching doom, there was none.
"Wait, wait" he said "i can tell you where is..."
The cloaked man interrupted him, this time with a physical manifestation of his anger, his fist broke the other nose and blood spilled.
"I see that you don't understand your situation" replied "i'm not here to listen your pathetic excuses, you did what you did now you must take responsability for your own actions. If you didn't realized i'm jury, judge and executioner here" his tone was amused "all in this world got a price and now you will pay the price of your sins"
The other gasped "you couldn't be serious, you couldn't have changed that much!"
A cold gaze was the first reply of his executioner and when the cloaked figure spoke again it was with a chilling voice.
"changed you say? yes i am changed my dear friend, i was forced to change because this reality is not like i was told it to be, and you got a big part in this, if not for you my eyes could have been still shut to the truth but that doesn't mean i am willing to forgive the pain you gave me, everything got a price i said" again the perverted smile happeared on his face, from the depth of the hood two glowing golden eyes looked at his rival "an eye for an eye..." whispered.
The crouched man got just a second to realize the meaning of these words then a searing pain filled his body and his mind too, thousand accursed memories flew through him, years of sufference, all at once.
He screamed but there was no one to hear him.
Not his own god, not anymore.
From the depth of his hood the dæmon smiled again.

P.S: no, i'm not going insane, it just that i feel the urge to write and that's what comes out.
Do not worry i'm still fine only i'm playing too much SMT.

"Something has to be done or else..."
Harsh, the voice broke the silence in a shady hall where three figures stood gathered, sitting on skull white thrones, a room that was nothing but a remnant of an ancient, and cruel, past but still even that past had enough power to alter the present.
The speaker was tall, and claded in black robes that flewd upon him like liquid darkness,  or maybe he was pure shadow himself, another figures lift a pale hand to require his silent, with an impertinent smile upon his face.
"Really? and tell me then, since when you are the spokeperson for our will Deimos?"
The black-claded figure, Deimos, looked at him disgusted, a cold and yet insane fury slowly rising in his eyes, he opened the mouth to answer his comrade but then a third figure interrupted him.
She was a woman, with long blood-red robes, her skin has the color of the polished steel while her  eyes was like shimmering rubies, her gaze magnificent.
"This is no time to quarrel like some stupid mortal Thanathos" she said "you should know better than to try our brother's patience for your own entertainment, in fact you should know it better than anyone else since your domain is so closely tied to his powers.
And beside we got a problem to solve."
The white figure arose from his throne, all in him shouted about cold and despair, he moved lighlty emotting no sound at all and with a few paces joined her sister, looking at her with his mischievous smile.
"ah, Bellum, sometimes i think you are too serious but i got to admit that you got a point, he has gone too far now and futhermore, he's risking to damage our source of power...he must be stopped i suppose."
Again Deimos spoke, with a loud and terrible voice "You suppose? Curse you! if you haven't told him the Secrets all of this would not have happened idiot! i wonder what kind of madness took you to reveal that information to a mere and stupid mortal."
The smile vanished from Thanathos face, he confronted Deimos with a gaze colder than the abyssal ice, a gaze even his brother could not sustain wuthout harm and the black-claded figure step back few paces.
Then Thanathos closed his eyes, his face was tired now, as if the weight of the eternity claimed its tribute at once.
He spoked again, not with the previous amused voice but with a voice that seemed to come from the sidereal depths "i have not told him anything" said.
The words lingered in the air, suspended like some sort of death sentence, both Deimos and Bellum was shocked by that words, if words could kill, if they could have been killed, that phrase was enough to inflict them thousand deaths, thousand painful deaths.
Another voice broke the silence as another figure walked in the dim light of the room, this one dressed in ruined green robes.
"He's right, he hasn't told him anything" said the newcomer "the lightbringer did it"
This time a flaming fury happeared on the others' face, Bellum was the first to spoke with a voice louder than all the armies of the reality "He did it? Morbus you can't really be serious!"
The green claded man nodded, although his face was covered by an hood, then replied "But i am sister, i don't know what are his plans but it seems that there's no time to waste. With the knowledge not to speak about the powers he now got, the mortal could easily do almost anything if he realized what he is able to accomplish"
Deimos spoke again "I don't understand" replied "why our master permitted all of this? is he not one of his creatures too?"
Thanathos shook his head "free will" murmured "a treacherous gift indeed"
"Exactly" replied the harsh voice of Morbus, not another word was necessary, that was everything they needed to know.
The woman walked briefly deep in thought and when she spoke showed some sort of determination in her tune "Well then, we got time as long as he remains in that place, maybe enough time to devise a plan or maybe he will regain some of his humanity, enough to make him vulnerable once again"
This time the smile was upon Deimos'face, but it was a deluded smile as he replied to his sister "Useless mumbling yours, you know what happened the last time a human fell into the Cinderfrost. It's not like that he will regain something he simply do not want to regain nothing because, even if he do not know it rationally, his soul knows the truth about the grim power he's acquiring!"
Another silence filled the room, this time a silence full of a desperate need of denial, but that was not a situation the they could deny, not even their master could.
"Then we must prepare for war" said Bellum.
The others nodded and one by one left the room, from behind a marble pillar a figure emerged, it was a kid with golden hair and golden eyes.
He was smiling.
"Oh yes" said with a voice filled of sadistic happiness "that and the destruction of all you care for..."
A moment later he disappeared, while in a far away place a Human boy rose to his feet, his eyes filled with tears.

Restless, with a silent dæmon by his side he stood, cutting away poisoned memories...and searing pain inside.
Not a voice to be heard,  not a tales to be told.
Sinner, while the sands of time flew merciless, leaving scars upon him, increasing the void within a withered soul.
He knew about waht brought him there, in a desolated circle of ashes, a cage for shattered dreams while madness slowly claimed the last remnants of his own goodness.
In fact he didn't care.
The hell was free to reclaim him but still there was no pit with enough fire to warm his coldness, he had lost all, even his own belief and meaning and was losing his humanity too, slowly becoming something else, something worse than the cruelest dæmon, what remained to him was a razor-like rationality and aloofness.
He smiled upon a dying sun, a sun he had shut off long ago.
All that remain to him was just himself, and that was enough for him.
He watched silently the strings in frnt of him, subtle chords for a twisted melody, a melody he was learning how to play, an unholy instrument in his hands.
Even in his own state he felt no feeling at all, just the frost of an unholy soul.
Retribution.

Sometimes i wonder if i'm really sane, to wrote things like this...-_-